Listen up, you commitment-shy nincompoop. You’re shaking in your boots at the thought of a long-haul love affair, aren’t you? Well, your new squeeze is over the moon, convinced you two are as inseparable as a pair of kippers in a tin. Despite your knickers being in a twist, you’re not about to miss out on a few jolly good romps, are you? What’s that? You’re as single as a one-legged man at a bum kicking contest? Don’t fret, my love. There’s a brief, saucy fling lurking down your alley, ready to pounce like a randy alley cat on heat. It’s about as romantic as a fart in a lift, but it’ll do the trick. Now, here’s your lucky charm: A four-leaf clover. Yes, you heard it right. As rare as a politician telling the truth, but if you find one, you’ll have luck coming out of your ears. Mind you, with your track record, you’re more likely to stumble upon a unicorn doing the Macarena.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!