Listen up, you’ve been grafting harder than a one-legged man at an arse-kicking contest, and it’s about time someone gave you a good old pat on the back, innit? Well, don’t hold your breath, love – your boss wouldn’t give you the steam off his tea. But still, you’ve got something to be chuffed about, right? Now, there’s a saucy little invite coming your way, and it’s got your name written all over it. Yeah, that’s right, you’re about to be the belle of the ball. Or the bull in a china shop, depending on how many sherries you neck before you get there. And let’s face it, you’ve been about as physically active as a corpse lately, haven’t you? But don’t worry, your brain’s still ticking over like a dodgy watch. You’re probably the only person who can recite the entire works of Shakespeare while simultaneously solving a Rubik’s cube. Now, if only you could remember where you put your bloody car keys. Your lucky charm for the day: a four-leaf clover. Not that it will do much good, you couldn’t find your backside with both hands and a map.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!