You’ve been dodging the squabbles during chinwags like a cockney in a coppers’ convention, and it’s been a right royal giggle. Now, you’re itching to stick your oar in and sort out the blunders of a certain numpty who couldn’t find their own arse with both hands and a torch. You don’t want to look like a bossy boots, even though you’re just trying to keep things from going tits up. Today’s lucky charm is a toucan’s beak. Not only is it a conversation starter, but it also doubles as a handy tool for poking numpties who need a hint. Just remember, not in the eye!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!