“Look, darling, don’t get your knickers in a twist just because your mates aren’t throwing a pity party for your woes. It’s not that they’ve suddenly gone off you like a bad pint of ale. It’s just they’ve got their own fish and chips to fry, haven’t they? So, instead of pouting like you’ve just found a soggy biscuit at the bottom of your tea, why not offer them a helping hand, ey? Might do you some good, you selfish sod.” Lucky Charm: “Here’s a tip for you, get yourself a lucky rabbit’s foot. Not that it was particularly lucky for the rabbit, mind you. But who knows, it might just turn your luck around, or at the very least, it’ll give your cat something to play with.”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!