Blimey, you’re slower than a snail on tranquilizers, ain’t you? It takes you an eternity to form an opinion, and that’s why your companionship is as solid as a stale crumpet. You take a good butcher’s at people, judging them on their silly decisions, daft behaviour, dodgy priorities and how they treat the poor sods around them. But watch out, sunshine, ’cause there’s a spanner in the works. Some unexpected bollocks could really muck up your mate situation. Now, here’s your lucky charm: A teapot. Yes, I said a bloody teapot. I mean, who knows, it might help you speed up your decision-making process. Or at least keep you hydrated while you’re dilly-dallying.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!