Ain’t it a right royal pain in the arse when people start flapping their gums about your life? But you, my old china, are usually as bothered as a sloth in a hammock about such guff. Now, though, you’re going through a bit of a dodgy patch, feeling as delicate as a china doll in a bull ring. But here’s the skinny – let’s not forget that the opinions of these chinless wonders about your dreams, your talents and your graft are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. You’re smashing it, darling, so dust yourself off, stick a cork in their yammering, and crack on just like you were. And for a bit of a laugh, here’s your lucky charm – a rubber duck. I know, I know, it sounds as daft as a brush, but trust me, it’s got more luck in its squeaker than a black cat crossing your path. Just don’t get it mixed up with your bath-time toys, ey?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!