Blimey, your noddle’s all over the shop, ain’t it? Not a snowball’s chance in hell of getting anything done with your grey matter doing the hokey cokey. Pull your socks up, mate, and start training that giddy mind of yours with the finesse of Mary Poppins on a sugar rush. Start by counting your blessings, not your sheep. Take a gander at the bits of your life that ain’t gone tits up yet. That’s where you should be putting your back into! And here’s a cheeky tip for ya: Your lucky colour is blue. So, why not try wearing blue undies tomorrow? Might help keep your knickers from getting in a twist, if nothing else.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!