Your grand getaway’s about to go tits up at the last second. All those plans you’ve made, it’s like trying to organise a piss up in a brewery, just ain’t happening, mate. And don’t even get me started about your learning lark – it’s all up in the air, like a fart in a lift. And what’s this? A surprise bulletin about social affairs or politics is about to smack you in the gob. You’ll be gobsmacked, like a dog with two tails. But don’t you worry, you’ll find yourself tickled pink by some off-the-wall ideas. It’ll be like a breath of fresh air, only the air is full of bollocks. And here’s your lucky charm: a pint of bitter. Yeah, you heard me right. It’s not just for drowning your sorrows, it’s a symbol of your resilience. So, slam that pint down like a champion and remember, it’s not alcoholism until you graduate. Cheers to that!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!