Just like a drip of water has the audacity to chip away at a hard-as-nails rock, you, my sweet pudding, must adopt the same cheeky resilience, tackling those hurdles in your path with the grace of a three-legged gazelle. There’ll be days when you can’t be arsed to swing your legs out of bed, let alone summon the motivation to face the world… but this ain’t the time to lounge about in your underpants, scoffing down hobnobs whilst watching reruns of “Only Fools and Horses”. And remember, a four-leaf clover is your lucky charm this week. But don’t go frolicking about in fields looking for one, you’d have a better shot finding a politician with a moral compass.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!