You’ve been busy making decisions like a nun in a dildo shop, haven’t you? All that noggin’ work you’ve put in is about to pay off – and not in a dodgy back-alley sort of way, either. Some git will try to tell you it’s all down to good fortune, but we know better, don’t we, love? You’re sharper than a Cockney’s wit at closing time, and your gut knows its stuff – it’s leading you to the right spots quicker than a randy dog on heat. Your lucky charm is a four-leaf clover, although it’s about as useful as a chocolate fireguard. Still, carrying one around might make you feel better about your life choices, you daft sod.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!