Blimey, it seems one of your chums or nosy parker next door will, out of the blue, turn on the old waterworks inside you with a random act of kindness. You’re brimming over with gratitude, you soppy git, because today, life’s going to smack you right in the kisser with a reminder of how bang on your mates and family are, and the corking difference they’re making in your existence. And for your lucky charm, it’s a rubber duck. Yes, you heard it right, a rubber duck. Don’t look at me like that, it’s not like your life could get any more ridiculous.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!