Cor blimey, the stars are telling you to pop your loafers on and get out for a bit of a jolly jaunt. Maybe kick a footy around, or give a bit of a snog to someone who tickles your fancy. Even drag the old fam along for a bit of how’s your father. You’re as jolly as a sandboy, spreading your cheer like a viral video of a cat playing a piano. But, oh look out, there’s a green-eyed monster lurking about. Don’t worry, it’ll bugger off quick as you can say ‘Bob’s your uncle’. It’s like a fart in the wind, here one moment and gone the next. Lucky tip for you: Always remember, a leopard can’t change its spots, but you can always change your underwear. A change is as good as a rest, especially if you’ve been wearing the same pair for a week, you mucky pup!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!