Well, darling, you’re paddling up the creek of life without a paddle this week, aren’t you? You’re trying to keep the mood as calm as a cucumber in a convent, even though life’s throwing you curveballs like you’re the starring attraction at the dodgy fairground of destiny. Those rascals you’ve foolishly put your faith in will drop the ball faster than a butterfingered juggler on a bouncy castle. They promised you the moon on a stick, but all you’re getting is a twig in the mud. And let’s talk about your work, darling. You’re sticking to your tried and true methods like a stubborn bulldog to a juicy steak, but really they’re about as successful as a chocolate teapot. So brace yourself, love, you’re in for a ride rougher than a goat’s knees. Now, for your lucky charm – it’s a rubber duck. Yes, you heard it right! Why? Because you’re going to need something to keep you afloat when the tide’s this high, darling. And let’s be honest, it’s hilarious to think of you clinging onto a rubber duck for dear life, isn’t it?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!