Alright, sweetheart, listen up, because I ain’t repeating myself. Today, you’re gonna have to slide your ego aside and meet some blokes halfway. It’s not like you’re negotiating the price of fish at the market, so stop your whinging. It’s not that bloody hard. It just means you can dodge a few squabbles, like avoiding dodgy kebabs after a pint. It won’t kill you to eat a bit of humble pie, and people might actually start to think you’re not a complete tosser. Now here’s your lucky charm, you lucky sod: It’s the humble brolly. That’s right, an umbrella. Not for the rain, you plonker, but to shield you from the rubbish that’s constantly falling out of your mouth. Plus, if you carry one around, people might think you’re posh. And wouldn’t that be a right laugh?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!