Blimey! You’ve been running around like a blue-arsed fly, haven’t you? Stuck in a whirlwind of natter and banter, cocktail parties and bloody awful small talk. It’s high time you put a sock in it and plotted out your next move. You’d rather be sprawled out on the couch, feet up, cuppa in hand, than dealing with all this rigmarole. Ah, that elusive moment of calm, as comforting as your granny’s Yorkshire pudding. Keep your trap shut about the political tomfoolery if you want to stay in this blissful bubble, you cheeky sod. Lucky charm: A pair of noise-cancelling headphones. Perfect for drowning out the dull drivel at parties or, heaven forbid, another bloody Brexit debate!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!