Blimey, you’ve had a lightbulb moment, haven’t ya? A new diet or exercise plan seems as brilliant as a diamond in a goat’s arse. Cor blimey, it might actually be worth a butcher’s, especially if you fancy transforming into a less tubby version of yourself. If you’re feeling like a squeezed lemon from busting your hump too much, tell your responsibilities to do one, even if it might get your boss’s knickers in a twist. Lucky charm for the day: A four-leaf clover. It’s about as likely to help as a chocolate fireguard, but it might make your day a wee bit more interesting.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!