Bloody ‘ell, your noggin’s chock-full of serious cobblers, ain’t it? Might do you some good to offload your deepest, darkest heebie-jeebies to a mate who won’t take the mickey. Got a pal who isn’t a total numpty? Give ’em a bell, don’t be a muppet. A chinwag can do wonders for clearing the old grey matter. Stop faffing about and deal with your kerfuffle. Oh, and here’s a lucky phrase for you: “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” Unless you’re allergic to feathers, then it’s just a right old cock-up.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!