Listen up, lovebirds. You’ve lost the plot and are about as in sync as a one-legged man at a kickboxing tournament. You’re not even sure what you’re expecting from each other – a cuppa, a cuddle, or a coupon for a free spin at the bingo? The spark between you two could barely light up the fuse on a Christmas cracker. If you’re looking for a thrill, try out something new together. Bungee jumping, perhaps? At least then you can blame the screams on the height. Lucky charm: A rubber chicken. It�s about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but at least it’ll make you laugh.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!