Right, listen up you old muppet. Blimey, it looks like you’re in a right jam, isn’t it? You’ve got some stubborn git making your life a right pain in the arse, and you’re there, trying to be all patient and saint-like. Well, ain’t you the bloody Dalai Lama? Cor, the amount of tasks you’ve got piled up is enough to make a grown man cry for his mum. Now, you’ve got your eyes on the prize, haven’t you? Wanting to dazzle some sour-faced naysayer who’s been giving you gyp lately. Lucky charm: A horseshoe. Who knows, it might give you a kick up the backside you need to sort this mess out. Can’t do much worse than you have done so far, now, can it?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!