Your bleeding mission, if you ain’t too busy swanning around like a dazed duck, should be to stick your own desires at the top of the agenda, instead of forever fussing over the whims and fancies of the rabble. By throwing your weight around like a rhino in a china shop, you’ll be broadcasting loud and clear to all the numpties in your vicinity that it’s about bloody time you had a turn at the wheel. Now, your lucky phrase for the day, mate, is “Bob’s your uncle.” Say it while brushing your teeth and you’ll taste mint like never before. And if anyone asks why, just tell ’em “because the stars bloody well said so!”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!