In this madhouse we call life, success often involves playing it cooler than a polar bear’s toenails. If you sniff out that some pillock might kick up a fuss over your brainwaves, it’s best to keep your gob shut until the wheels are already turning. Don’t faff around like a headless chicken, love, just crack on! And here’s your lucky charm: A rubber duck. Yes, I said it. A rubber duck. Because nothing says “I’m a winner” like a plastic bird that floats in your bath. It’s as daft as a brush, but hey, it might just keep you from sinking in the deep end of life’s ludicrous swimming pool.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!