Watch your gob when you’re banging out texts, emails, or waffling on face-to-face, yeah? Don’t be a muppet, aim to chat like Mary bloody Poppins, spreading joy and all that codswallop. Suddenly, you’ll cop a surprise invite and realise, blimey, you’re not as insignificant as your mother-in-law makes you feel. Brace yourself, darling, you’re about to be the cat’s pyjamas! Your lucky phrase this week is “Bob’s your uncle.” Use it when you pull something off like a real clever clogs. It’ll have ’em rolling in the aisles. And remember, there’s no such thing as luck, just organised people with clean underpants.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!