Well, darling, trying to understand what’s going on in your mate’s noggin is about as easy as trying to nail custard to the wall. They’re a few sandwiches short of a picnic, aren’t they? But bless your cotton socks, you’re giving it the old college try, and that’s what matters. And honey, if you manage to crack that riddle, do share the secret. We could all do with a laugh! Lucky charm: A rubber duck. Because if you’re gonna be stuck in the loo, might as well have some company. And it’ll serve as a great distraction should your mate start spouting more nonsense.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!