Your gut feeling is as sharp as a butcher’s knife, mate. You can trust it to guide you like a sat nav from hell. This’ll give you a sneaky peek through the keyhole of what’s lurking round the corner. You’re about as good at predicting the fallout of your decisions as a blindfolded bloke playing darts at the pub. Rubbing shoulders with folks from all walks of life will keep your spirits up, like a cheap pint on a Friday night. Here’s your lucky charm: a bright yellow pair of knickers. Wear ’em on your head for a laugh, or keep ’em in your pocket for good luck. And remember, they’re as close to a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow as you’re ever going to get!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!