Well, darling, there’s this rather delightful, genial vibe wafting off you like a cheap perfume from a high street stall. It’s as if everyone and their dog is itching to have a natter with you, like you’re the queen’s corgis at a sausage fest. A swift tinkle on the blower could easily turn into a chinwag more profound than a philosopher’s belly button. You’re more than ready to clear your oh-so-busy schedule for those mates who are desperate for a slice of you, like seagulls swooping on a discarded chip. Bloody lucky charm for you: a horseshoe. Not the most fashionable of accessories, I know, but it might help you steer clear of the massive pile of horse dung life might throw at you. It’s either that or a leprechaun’s pot of gold, and good luck finding one of those, love!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!