Alright, listen up, you lot. Quit moping around about the lack of chances in your life. Someone upstairs has finally decided to chuck you a bone, so it’s about time you started counting your blessings. You’re not as daft as you look, you know. There’s loads you can do if you get off your derriere and put your mind to it. So, stop faffing about and get cracking. Use that bit of spark you’ve got hidden away somewhere and make something of it, for heaven’s sake. Oh, and before I forget, your lucky charm is a sprig of parsley. Don’t ask me why, it’s not like it’s going to magically sprout a fiver, but at least it’ll freshen up your breath. Lord knows, you could use it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!