Listen up, darling, if they’re suggesting you should pull a longer stint at that bloody travesty of a workplace, take a beat before you open your gob. This could be about as appealing as a root canal at the hands of a drunken dentist, so don’t you dare feel a shred of guilt for telling them to stuff it. Sod off home, pour yourself a large one, and hit the sack early, yeah? And here’s your lucky tip, straight from the horse’s mouth: always keep a rubber duck in your pocket. Why, you ask? Well, love, when life gives you lemons, you might as well have a duck. It’s as useful as a chocolate teapot, but at least it’ll give you a good laugh.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!