Blimey, you’re in for a right chinwag today, either in the flesh or on the blasted internet, trying to make sense of the circus happening around you and your part in the cock-up. Mind your lingo and the sound of your gob. If you’re feeling a bit narked, get to the bottom of it, you might find something worth nicking. Now, here’s a bit of a cheeky tip for you: If you find a lost quid today, consider it your lucky charm. But don’t go spending it all at once, ya cheeky bugger!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!