Oi, your chums and besties are bursting with more surprises than a jack-in-the-box on steroids. You’ll find ’em spouting off or performing stunts more shocking than your nan’s knicker drawer. Or even worse, they’ll introduce you to someone as interesting as watching paint dry on a rainy Tuesday. Everyone’s acting like they’ve swallowed a ‘freedom pill’ and if you start acting like a bulldog chewing a wasp, they’ll push back faster than a fart in a gale. And for your lucky charm, it’s a rubber duck. Yeah, you heard me right, a flippin’ rubber duck. Why? Well, if your life’s going more pear-shaped than your Auntie Marge’s backside, at least you can say you’re not going quackers alone.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!