Alright, mate, if your gaff’s falling apart faster than a chocolate teapot in a heatwave and you’re about as handy as a chocolate fire guard, it’s time to swallow your pride and call in the big guns. Feeling about as loved as a fart in a lift, are we? Well, don’t be too hasty to stick your head in the oven, the right bit of crumpet might be lurking just around the corner. And if you’re thinking about diving headfirst into the romantic deep end, just remember, even a broken clock’s right twice a day. So, go on then, throw caution to the wind and play tonsil tennis with that hottie – you won’t regret it. And here’s your lucky phrase for the day: “Every cloud has a silver lining.” But let’s be honest, in your case, it’s probably made of tin foil.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!