Well, love, you’re as clueless as a bat in daylight, ain’t ya? There’s some shenanigans happening behind your back you wouldn’t know if it bit you in your arse. Soon enough, they’ll pop up like a bad rash and surprisingly, you might find it as delightful as finding a forgotten fiver in your pocket. Work’s about to go tits up too, but in a good way, mind you. It’s like your boss suddenly got smacked with the common sense stick and realised you’re not as useless as a chocolate teapot. So, brace yourself, darling, your talents are about to be valued more than a pint on a Friday night. Oh, and here’s a juicy bit: Your lucky colour is green. No, not the sickly green of your ex’s face when they see how well you’re doing, but the green of money in your pocket. Wear it, show it off, rub it in their faces, darling. Because nothing says ‘Doing bloody well, thank you very much’ like being the human embodiment of a fresh wad of cash.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!