Oi, listen up, sunshine. Stop your bloody moping and get your head out your bumhole. You’ve got dreams, right? Well, pull your finger out and start chasing ’em. Your mates are sick to the back teeth of you waffling on about your grand plans. They’ve got more faith in you than a vicar’s got in God, and it’s high time you started believing in yourself, too. So, quit your bellyaching, put on your big boy pants, and get cracking. And here’s a bit of luck for you, you’re gonna need it. Your lucky phrase is “Bob’s your uncle.” So, the next time you’re in a pickle, just give it a whirl. Who knows, it might be just the push you need. And remember, even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and again. So, keep at it, and don’t let the bastards grind you down.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!