Keep your peepers peeled in your work or bookish haunt. Beware the misguided muppets trying to sell you their half-baked ideas like dodgy watches in a back alley. Some of these berks couldn’t find wisdom in a fortune cookie, even though they’re trying to come off like the bloody Dalai Lama. Today’s the day to be as cautious as a cat in a rocking chair factory and dodge any cock-ups waiting to happen. Lucky phrase for you today: “Keep your wits about you and your brolly handy!” – you never know when you’ll need to fend off the dimwits or the British weather. Oh, isn’t that a cracker?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!