Here’s your horoscope, love. Your friendship, which for all intents and purposes, has become as stale as a three-day-old scone, needs a good shake-up. It can’t carry on like this, it’s more repetitive than a politician’s promise. And as for expecting your mate to meet your lofty standards, you’re having a laugh, ain’t ya? Remember, the only mug you can change is the one you see in the mirror every morning. Everything else is as out of your control as a fart in a windstorm. And here’s your lucky charm: a pigeon feather. Yes, a pigeon feather. Not exactly the height of glamour, I know, but then, neither are your shoes. So, pick it up, stick it in your cap, and maybe you’ll have better luck than the poor bird it came from.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!