Well, slap my arse and call me Susan, seems like you’re in a right pickle! You’re feeling about as comfortable as a hedgehog in a condom factory, aren’t you? What you once thought was gospel truth doesn’t even fit into your life now, like trying to squeeze your post-lockdown arse into pre-lockdown knickers. Don’t shy away from having a good natter with these emotions of yours. It’s all part of the prep work for a transformation that’s more important than your first sip of tea in the morning. Lucky Charm: A rubber duck. Why? Because if your life’s going as tits up as it seems, you might as well have a laugh and float about in the bath with a rubber duck.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!