If you’ve managed to dodge the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune recently, you’ll be chuffed to bits if today turns out to be as dull as dishwater. I mean, you’ve been grafting like a dog chasing its tail, ain’t ya? Finally, it seems like your hard yakka is starting to pay off – it’s about bloody time! And the cherry on top? Those dodgy schemes you’ve been hatching with your cronies are actually starting to look less like a dog’s dinner and more like a proper plan. Your lucky phrase of the day is ‘Bob’s your uncle!’ – which is quite fitting, because with the way things are going, you’ll soon be sitting pretty and everyone will want to claim kinship with you. Just remember to keep them at arm’s length – wouldn’t want them to nick your pint, would ya?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!