It’s high time you started giving a toss about your own needs, innit? Got a posh do invite but fancy being a hermit, eh? Well, don’t let anyone bully you out of your pyjama party for one. It’s your life, not a bloody democracy, so tell them where to stick their canapes! Oh, and here’s a bit of a laugh: your lucky item is a rubber duck. No, really, I’m not taking the mickey! Grab one and watch your fortunes turn. Just don’t let it float off in your gin and tonic, you sozzled sod.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!