You might not reckon you’re the bee’s knees, but you’re juggling life’s jamboree like a one-legged man at an arse-kicking contest. To keep your ship steady, prepare for an onslaught of favours that’ll come at you like a randy bull in a field of heifers, from all corners of the bleedin’ globe. You’ll manage this circus, you will, and you’ll do it as elegantly as a drag queen at a nunnery. Your lucky charm for today is a rubber chicken, ‘cos let’s face it, even if you’re up the creek without a paddle, you can always use it for a laugh or to slap someone silly.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!