Listen up, you stubborn old mule, someone’s finally going to take their fingers out of their ears and start listening to your witterings! Shocking, I know. Once you both stop playing charades and start gabbing properly, you might just find a shred of common sense between you, and who knows, you might even bumble your way into the future together. As for your lucky charm, it’s a clover, not that it’ll do you any good. You couldn’t find your arse with both hands and a map, let alone a four-leaf clover in a field!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!