Alright, listen up mate, it’s gonna be one hell of a slog and you’re gonna be grafting your arse off to get anywhere close to achieving your lofty dreams and self-centred goals. But guess what? As you start tasting some success, like a small slice of that expensive cake you always wanted but couldn’t afford, your ego will inflate faster than a balloon on steroids, leaving you grinning like a Cheshire cat with a belly full of cream. Keep your peepers locked on the shiny stuff, the silver linings and all that jazz, and you’ll be as chuffed as a badger at a worm convention. And here’s a little nugget of wisdom for you, a mantra if you will: “Bollocks to the negatives!” Repeat it like a broken record and watch how it turns your life into a bloody sitcom. Oh, and your lucky colour is grey. Why? Because it’s as dull and unexciting as your current life. Bit of a giggle, innit?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!