You’ve been sat around like a lemon, haven’t you? In this particular love saga, you’ve been all contemplation and no trousers. You’ve been mulling it over so much, I’m surprised your noggin hasn’t turned into a bloody tea bag. Time to pull your finger out, mate, before that romantic boat sets sail without you. Been hiding behind the old bashfulness, have we? It’s a bit of a pickle, I know, but once you’ve given it the old heave-ho, everything will fall into place just as you’ve been dreaming, while you’re sat on your arse, twiddling your thumbs. And your lucky tip? Try using the phrase “I’m not usually this forward, but the stars told me to.” It’s a load of bollocks, of course, but it might just get you out of the friend zone and into the end zone, if you catch my drift. Just remember, it’s about as subtle as a fart in a lift, so use it wisely.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!