Cor blimey, darlin’, you’d better crank up that pair of lug’oles and keep ’em peeled for the local chit-chat. Don’t be a plonker and let some juicy gossip slip through those fingers of yours. And if you find yourself without a significant other, brace yourself! Cupid’s got his arrows poised and he’s not afraid to use ’em. You might be about to have more suitors than a chippy has cod! Lucky charm: A battered haddock. Fishy? Yes. But remember, there’s plenty more fish in the sea, and this one’s already battered for you.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!