Right, listen up you cheeky git, you’ve been well aware of all the chin-wagging about your cock-ups. You’re going to feel like a right royal when this whole malarkey is sorted, and you can finally put it behind ya, just like last night’s curry. Make sure you don’t become a nosy parker, poking your beak into other people’s business – keep this in mind for both your private affairs and your 9 to 5, got it? As for your lucky charm, it’s a pair of knickers. Not just any knickers, but your granny’s bloomers. Might seem a bit dodgy, but trust me, they’re luckier than a four-leaf clover stuck in a horseshoe. Plus, they double as a parachute, just in case you need a lucky escape!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!