You’re so keen on success you’re practically humping its leg! Your rivals are gonna need a telescope to catch sight of your backside as you zoom past them on the highway to glory. You’re sweating effort like a fat bloke in a sauna, ready to wring every last bit out of the chances coming your way. And bless your cotton socks, you’re even playing agony aunt to the lost souls who can’t tell their arse from their elbow, picking up bonus points in the game of life for your troubles. Lucky charm: A rabbit’s foot. Not only will it give you a bit of extra luck, but it’s also a great conversation starter. “Ever seen a three-legged rabbit? No? Well, you’re about to!”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!