Look ‘ere, darling. Bit of advice for you – it’s about time you got off your backside and started rubbing elbows with some new faces. Why, you ask? Well, it just so happens that these new ‘mates’ of yours might actually make you get up and chase that daft childhood dream of yours. Yes, that ridiculous one. Turns out, these new ‘pals’ are a loony lot themselves and they’ll be egging you on to do all sorts of reckless things. They’re not into sitting on their arses and twiddling their thumbs, oh no! They love a bit of a challenge. So, you’d better buckle up, buttercup, because you’re in for a wild ride. Oh, and here’s a bit of a lucky charm for you – a rabbit’s foot. Nah, not a real one, you daft sod! It’s made of faux fur. And before you ask, no, it won’t improve your dance skills, but it might just help you trip over less. And remember, darling, your lucky colour is shocking pink – just like your face when you realize that your childhood dream of becoming a unicorn isn’t quite achievable.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!