You’re about to be knee-deep in job offers so tantalising they’d make the Queen blush! You’ve got this spooky knack for reading Joe Public like a cheap smut novel, and it’s about to boost your status faster than a rocket up a donkey’s arse. They’re gonna have you leading a pack of so-called creative types, like herding cats with ADHD, but you’ll relish the chaos like a masochist at a spank-a-thon. And when it comes to adding value to the goods and services, you’re going to be shining brighter than a diamond in a goat’s behind. Now, don’t you feel special? Just remember, your lucky phrase this week is “Duck and cover”, because with all the shit flying your way, you’re going to need it. And trust me, there’s no better excuse than saying you were dodging a flying turd.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!