It appears your life’s gone tits up, hasn’t it? You’re stood there, gawping like a codfish out of water, pondering just how it all went tits over arse. Once you’ve had a tick-tock, a cuppa and perhaps a good old sob, you’ll be right as rain and ready to collect up your mess. Then, it’ll be like a bloody jigsaw puzzle, won’t it? As each piece falls into place, you’ll be like Sherlock Holmes on steroids, figuring out what your next cock-up is going to be. Now, here’s your lucky bit: The phrase “Every cloud has a silver lining” is your mantra. But remember, in your case, the cloud might just be your arse after a spicy vindaloo.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!