Oh, darling, isn’t it just bloomin’ marvellous that you’ve got these so-called “skills”? They’ll be about as useful as a chocolate teapot this comin’ year. I’m seeing a vision, dearie – you, in the hallowed halls of some academic institution, or perhaps peddling exotic getaways at a travel agents, or maybe even slaving away in the bowels of a publishing house. Blimey, don’t it just make your heart race? So, you best get your arse in gear and start polishing up that CV of yours, rehearsing your best ‘hire me’ routine and collecting a gaggle of people willing to say nice things about you. Preparation, darling, that’s your ticket to not being a complete flop. And here’s a little lucky charm for you, scrubbed from the back pockets of life’s denim: a lucky penny. Found one yet? No? Well, keep looking, you never know when you might stumble upon it. And when you do, remember, it’s only lucky if you don’t spend it all at once!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!