Oi, now you’ve got a bit of a breather, it’s high time you had a proper gander at your job. Snagging the right gig could see your wallet fatter than a politician’s ego. Don’t be a daft sod, make the most of the freebies like pension schemes, golden handshakes, and those training courses no one ever really wants to go to. These sorts of treats are rarer than a modest reality TV star, so grab ’em while you can, mate. Now, for your lucky bit – your lucky item is a handlebar moustache. Yeah, you heard me right. Slap one of those bad boys on and watch the magic happen. They’re like catnip for HR managers. Just remember: If anyone asks, it’s not a fake, it’s an ironic fashion choice.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!