Blimey, your travel plans are going tits up, mate! Whether it’s bloody motorway tailbacks, sodding airport malarkey, or your dodgy old transit conking out, you’ll be wondering why you didn’t just stay put in your comfy armchair at home. But, ‘old your ‘orses, sunshine. Just because you’ve decided not to venture out doesn’t mean you’ve got to sit there twiddling your thumbs. After all, no bugger can stop you from opening the window and sucking up some of that rare British sunshine, can they? Lucky charm: A rubber duck. Because, why not? It’s as useful as a chocolate teapot, but at least it’ll give you something to laugh at when your plans all go pear-shaped!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!